if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
