If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
