ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
