her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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