i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
