I bet he comes in French.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Use "feeling words"
Yay
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
