I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
thus making me awesome and them whores
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize