How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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