You just made me feel so damn special
Your dad touched me again.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
