Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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