my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
