Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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