oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize