The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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