I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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