Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
