my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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