I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Congratulations! We have a period
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
