An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
