every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
