Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize