it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
