pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
