I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
