im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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