do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
