this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
