i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Are my feet made of real feet?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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