You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
