You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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