you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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