Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
