you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
