Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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