I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize