I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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