did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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