i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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