I am spending my child support on dildos
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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