Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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