Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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