I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
