A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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