A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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