He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
