i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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