No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
