apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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