butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
