So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
