Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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