I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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