God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
