how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
