i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
