If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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