Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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