if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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