I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
