I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
