awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
