This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize