He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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