I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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