worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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