Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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