I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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