Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
