She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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