If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
