if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
