O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize