I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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