You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
