Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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