New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
