You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Sorry about my life...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
