i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
