I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Sext me about skeletons
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
