I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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