I must be too annoying 4 u.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
