new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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