Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
