Are we in a gay sports bar?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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