Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
