Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
