This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
