and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
