The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
