This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
