I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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