So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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