Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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