While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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