chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i love accidental penises.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
