Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
