im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
